District 12 on the Internet
by rainbowwdasshh
Summary: when katniss, peeta, gale, and company discover the internet, what will transpire between them? appearances by facebook and other social networking sites.rated m for creepiness over the internet, language, and possible lemons later on. parody/humor enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**hey guys! this is my second fanfic, (i deleted my first one because i didn't like it) but this one is a parody. in this story, the HG characters discover the internet. this is supposed to be funny but i'm not really all that great at translating thoughts into writing, enjoy and please tell me what you think of it and leave a review. **

**oh, and i'm completely obsessed with HG. i live, eat and breathe HG and i saw the movie twice (once at midnight and one other night too with my homies) and my favorite songs? safe and sound, eyes open, and abraham's daughter.**

**one last thing: this is set one year before katniss and peeta get selected for the hunger games, but it's an alternate universe, so it's not going to necessarily follow the i-never-spoke-to-peeta-until-the-games thing from the book. I made Katniss a little bit more social with others too, not that she's hanging with them or anything. just a little touch to make the story more interesting. oh, and gale's in their grade**

**and this first chapter may not seem like it, but I AM team Peeta and that is how the story will work out:) just a heads up**

**i need to shut up before i give anything more away. enjoy!**

chapter one- katniss POV

I was sitting in History and Government of Panem, twirling my stubby pencil, not really caring what was going on. Suddenly the teacher spoke my way.

"Miss Everdeen? Do you have an answer or not?"

"Wait, what are we talking about?" I knew that by acting so out of it i would earn myself another detention. Again, I don't care. I usually skip out on detention, anyways. Sometimes, they'll phone my mom, but she doesn't care either. As long as I keep the food on the table for her and Prim, she can't complain.

"I asked, what are the 3 major qualities of District Three?" I'm not sure why this is relevant. We will never be able to visit any other district, unless we're reaped for the Hunger Games.

"Um, they make electronic stuff, right?" I hear snickers around the room and I look around the room, flashing a grin and exchanging a high-five with Gale.

"Detention, Miss Everdeen. But, ironic as it is, her comment segues us into our next topic. Raise your hand if you've ever used a computer before." No hands go up. We've heard of them, but in a dirt-poor district like Twelve, no one has ever laid their gaze on one.

"Well, we're going to be using them today. The Government of Panem has issued a computer to each one of you students. Before we can start utilizing them, though, we have to learn to operate them. Today, we'll focus in typing and the Internet." Don't know what the Internet is. Don't know what typing is. Don't care.

**SIX HOURS LATER****

We've become "acquainted" with our computers, and Mrs. Carlton is giving us a half-hour to use them for what we want. The internet is actually pretty interesting, though, and it's where i'm going to spend all my time on this hunk of metal.

When i open up the internet browser, i am immediately directed to a page called Facebook. Mrs. Carlton made everyone set up, and it's a page about you. You're supposed to put all your personal information on there. I see a box pop up in the corner:

_Peeta Mellark has sent you a friend request._

Oh, my god. That kid is annoying. He's one of the 'preps' from the richer side of town, not from the Seam, the poor slum where I am lucky enough to live. Ha. Lucky. Considering we live in the poorest part of the poorest district, we're probably the worst off of all of Panem. He's always drooling after me and Gale and I always make fun of him. He's the baker's son. Prim loves his cakes, and I always take her down to the storefront to look at them. Maybe I can sell this computer for enough money to finally buy her one. I decide to go ahead and accept his request because i'm sure that if I decline he'll ask again.

_Madge Undersee has sent you a friend request._

I keep getting these requests and I don't turn anyone down. I go to different people's pages to see that they have already posted all sorts of pictures of themselves with other kids in the class. A lot of girls' pictures have their lips puckered, trying to look all 'hot' and 'cute' for the guys in our class. They look the ducks that I hunt every day out in the woods.

I see a chat window pop up on the bottom right of my screen. Gale.

**(A/N imagine it in chat format. APPARENTLY, it's not allowed. thanks but no thanks Arctic-something can't remember your name at the moment ): )**

_Gale Badass Hawthorne said, "hey catnip"_

_Katniss Everdeen said, "hey 'badass'"_

_Gale Badass Hawthorne said, "I think it sounds cool, don't you?"_

_Katniss Everdeen said, "No."_

_Gale Badass Hawthorne then said,"Well i like it. It makes me sound more tough."_

_Katniss Everdeen said,"No, it makes you sound like a dumbass."_

_Peeta Breadboy Mellark says," hEy GuYs WhAtS uPpP? iSn'T tHe WaY i TyPe So CoOl?"_

_Gale Badass Hawthorne says, "Fuck off, Peeta."_

_Katniss Everdeen says, "Yeah, nobody likes you."_

_Peeta Breadboy Mellark says, "sOb SoB! yOu GuYs MaKe Me SaD! Im OuTtA tHiS cOnVo!"_

Peeta Breadboy Mellark decides to leave the conversation.

_Gale Badass Hawthorne says, "well i'm glad he's gone."_

_Katniss Everdeen says, "yeah me too."_

_Madge Undersee comes in to the conversation and says, "hey guys what's up?"_

_Katniss Everdeen says, "oh, hey madge"_

_Gale Badass Hawthorne says, "sup madge"_

_Madge Undersee says, "i just got the stupidest message from peeta."_

_Gale Badass Hawthorne says, "us too."_

_Madge Undersee says, "he's annoying sometimes."_

_Katniss Everdeen says, "sometimes? all the time."_

_Peeta Breadboy Mellark says, "hEy GuYs I'm BaCk! HeY mAdGe!"_

**peeta's pov**

i just got off of facebook chat with my girlfriend, Katniss! I'm so happy! Whenever she tells me to "fuck off" or "leave me alone", i know that she means that she loves me but isn't ready to tell the rest of the world yet. That's okay, though, because we both love each other so much. And now that we have these computers, we'll be able to communicate even more!

**Authors' Note- I came and changed this story after Chapter 7 because i got a review telling me i would be reported if i didnt' change the chat format that I have in this chapter and the next one, i think. That's why the chat looks weird, but now the story (which i thought was harmless, thank you) is within the guidelines (i checked and this was in fact a guideline) and hopefully you were able to read the first 2 chapters of this story before it got changed. On to chapter two.**


	2. Chapter 2: Facebook adventures

**thanks guys for your reviews! it means a lot:) i hope you liked the first chapter**

**katniss and peeta will be together by the end of the story (though i will try to make it quicker) and i know a lot of the characters are a bit OOC but that will become less and less and i just wanted to make it a little more fun**

**and i do not own any of the youtube personalities or their work that i mention in this chapter. I don't own facebook either,sadly.**

**DISCLAIMER- I don't own the hunger games. I thought I did and then i realized that I was in a mental hospital for a reason JKJK but i don't own the hunger games**

**josh hutcherson forever! :)**

chapter two: peeta pov

Today, i was super duper excited to wake up because i knew that I could go talk to Katniss on facebook! I logged on to my account and tried to start a chat with her: here's how it went.

_Peeta Ilovekatnissandbread Mellark says, "hEy KaTnIsS! wHaTs Up SwEeTiE pIe?"_

_Katniss Everdeen said,"fuck you peeta it's 3 am don't message me again and don't type like that."_

_Peeta ilovekatnissandbread Mellark says, "i knew you wanted to fuck me!" _

_Katniss Everdeen says, "ewww oh my god peeta that's disgusting get off you pervert!"_

Katniss Everdeen has left the conversation.

So, anyways, now i know that she's sexually interested in me. This is turning out to be the best day of my life! So i go looking around, and i find that you can list who you're in a relationship with! So I put in Katniss's name and BAM! we're officially listed as being together! Now the whole world can know!

**katniss pov**

I was just sleeping until i heard this really loud dinging noise. I didn't know where it was coming from at first, but then i realized it was coming from the computer. I went over there and i see that Peeta sends me a message. At 3 am in the morning! i go over there and it says this:

_Peeta Ilovekatnissandbread Mellark "hEy KaTnIsS! wHaTs Up SwEeTiE pIe?"_

What the hell is his problem? He has 'ilovekatniss' in his username now and he's still doing that retarded thing where he alternates between capital and lowercase letters. Then he calls me sweetie pie.

_Katniss Everdeen says, "fuck you peeta it's 3 am don't message me again and don't type like that."_

Maybe that will get through his seemingly thick skull and maybe he will stop. But he'll probably do it again tomorrow.

_Peeta ilovekatnissandbread Mellark says, "i knew you wanted to fuck me!"_

Oh, my god. I did NOT mean it that way. Peeta Mellark is a sick pervert and I am promising myself right now never to talk to him again. I consider de-friending him but then think about the fact that my friend-count will go down. Ugh. That's disgusting.

_Katniss Everdeen "ewww oh my god peeta that's disgusting get off you pervert!"_

Then i leave the chat and i'm about to shut the lid of the shiny steel laptop when I notice one thing on my profile:

_Katniss Everdeen _is in a relationship with _Peeta ilovekatnissandbread Mellark_

Oh my god! No! That's not what I wanted! How did that get there? I know Peeta did it but i'm not sure how to get it off.

I spend hours trying but I can't seem to figure out how to get rid of it. Finally it's 8 am, time to go to school, and I have to stop. I throw the computer in my bag and I decide I want to be at school early so the teacher can help me.

**gale pov**

I get to school and sit at my desk. I see Peeta staring at Katniss, just like always, and shake it off. She'll never go for him. I take the laptop out from my backpack and I open it up and wait to load the Internet. When i do I go straight to Facebook and check out Katniss's profile. What? Peeta's not her only suitor.

I'm looking through her profile, learning about her favorite artists and sports, when I see this.

_Katniss Everdeen _is in a relationship with _Peeta ilovekatnissandbread Mellark._

God dammit! What is wrong with her? How can she possibly go for Mellark? I stalk over to Peeta and look at him.

"Why'd you steal Katniss from me?"

"Steal her? She's been mine forever! We've been going out for months!"

"Katniss would've told me if that was true!"

"Do you want to hear a secret, Gale?" He says this with a little smile on his face. "Come here, Gale." He says it in almost a seductive purr and if he so obviously didn't lust over Katniss i'd think he played for the other team. He bakes bread, too, i mean, how more obvious does it get? I lean over to him.

"Don't tell anyone you know about Katniss and I, got it? It's a secret."

I look him in the eye, snarl, and walk away. How could Katniss betray me like this? I always thought she loved me but apparently it's Mellark now. I'll just have to win her over.

**katniss pov**

Our dumbass teacher, Mrs. Carlton, can't help me with the facebook thing. I'll keep trying but for now i'll just have to live with it. I decide to click on another one of the links on the top bar. It says 'Youtube'. I'll see what that's all about.

It directs me to 'youtube' and i figure out pretty fast that it's a website where you can watch videos. I plug in the earphones and click on one of the ones on the front page where it says 'Annoying Orange'. I start to watch and I see this badly animated orange talking to other foods in the kitchen. Fucking stupid.

Next, i see something called 'Smosh'. I click on that and it's two hilarious guys playing some retarded-ass game called 'Pokemon' where they throw disfigured, colored muttations at each other. Weird, but it was funny all the same. I call Madge over and we watch something called a 'Food Battle'.

Madge says she's had enough of the videos and she shows me a website called 'Quickmeme'. I'm not sure what a 'meme' is exactly, but then I see one with a picture of Peeta in the middle. It says 'Advice Peeta' under it and has a quirky saying about bread on it. I click on it and it shows me hundreds more, all with different bread sayings. Madge and I are laughing so hard the teacher sends us out in the hall. Detention. Again.

**So tell me what you guys thought! there were parts of it i didn't like but i'm going to have to deal with it. That was mostly just to add in more details you're going to need for the next few chapters.**

**Once again, PLEASE REVIEW! i really would appreciate it and when you do you can have whatever kind of internet cake you want, frosted specially for you by Peeta. and one thing, i know i said it before, but PEETA WILL GET KATNISS! they will be together, they're meant for each other! and i love them together especially peeta.**

**review away!**

**and as far as advice peeta goes, i will post the address for it below:**

**www(Dot)advicepeeta(dot)tumblr(dot)com these are hilarious and I DON'T OWN ANY OF THEM**

**thanks and review! tell me what you think should happen next in PM or reviews and i'll try to incorporate it if i like it enough:)**

**love my readers! and josh hutcherson!**


	3. Chapter 3 Cupcakes and vodka

**1st- thank you guys so much for the reviews! keep em' coming.**

**2nd- i know peeta seems like a dumbass right now, but he's just lovestruck and maybe when katniss and peeta get together he'll get over it and more down to earth...**

**3rd- r&r!**

**chapter 3: katniss pov**

After detention, I walked home with Madge. When I got up to my front doorstep, I saw two things: a dead, rotting squirrel carcass and a plate of brightly frosted cupcakes. I looked down and picked up the squirrel by the arrow in it's eye, threw my backpack to the ground, and raced to the Hob. The longer a squirrel sits out, the less it's worth. I get 8 gold coins and a box of soap for the squirrel and I come back home. The cupcakes are still sitting on my step, so I take them inside. Once I take all the cupcakes of the plate they were stacked on, I read a little message written on a piece of paper that was taped to the plate.

_Katniss-_

_I love you!_

_Peeta _

For whatever reason, I don't think about how creepy it is that Peeta knows where I live, I think about how nice the gesture is. Maybe I should start being nicer to him at school and on Facebook.

Speaking of Facebook, I run to my computer and turn it on. I hear the gears whirring in there as the login screen pops up- i put in my password and the internet pops up, right where I left off. On the Advice Peeta page. I keep looking at the bread puns, laughing my ass off until I see Prim come in the door.

"Where have you been, little duck?"

"I was with Mr. Jenkins."

Mr. Jenkins is an old pervert that lives in our neighborhood. Nobody will even speak to him, let alone go near him, and Prim's been playing with him! What if she got molested?

"Prim, what did you do with Mr. Jenkins?"

"Well, he picked me up in his white van and gave me a lollipop-"

I get nauseous, thinking of him touching my sister, and decide I don't want to hear the full story. "Did he hurt you at all, Prim? Did he touch you?"

"Well, he said he wanted me to come into his house but then I told him I had to go so I could be home by 5:30."

That's good. If he had even come close to touching her I would have called the Peacekeepers.

"I don't want you near Mr. Jenkins again, okay?"

"But-"

"No. Don't go near him."

"Fine, Katniss. I won't."

"Hey, Prim, do you want a cupcake?"

"Yeah! I'd love one, thanks Katniss!"

I lead her into the kitchen and I let her pick one out. She picks a pink one with a green frosted heart on top. She yanks off the wrapper and takes a huge bite. After she finishes chewing, she tells me how good it is. I tell her she can have one more, and then I leave.

I go back to my computer and log onto facebook. I see that I have one message- from Gale.

_Catnip-_

_Is it true that you and Peeta are going out? If it is, why didn't you tell me? If it isn't, why does your facebook page say it?_

_P.S. I already know the answer, Peeta told me everything._

_Gale_

I look down and am instantly puzzled. If Peeta had already told him we weren't in a relationship, then why would Gale ask? I'm pretty sure I already told him about how I couldn't get the relationship thing off my page. I decide to go ahead and respond, just for the hell of it. Gale's a dumbass, anyways. Besides the fact that he's good at hunting, he really doesn't have much going for him. He's by far the stupidest kid in our class. Peeta's definitely the smartest, with 100% on everything, but Gale has to go to school year-round because all his teachers make him take summer school. I skate by, with B's and C's with the occasional A in the mix. I'm somewhat proud of this accomplishment, considering I never pay attention in class and I always just wing it.

_Gale-_

_Your suspicion is correct. If Peeta already told you, why do you need to ask?_

_Friends forever, Katniss_

**gale pov**

I'm sitting by my computer on constant watch to see if Katniss responds back to my message. I know she won't lie to me, so I'm eagerly awaiting the truth.

_Gale-_

_Your suspicion is correct. If Peeta already told you, why do you need to ask?_

_Friends forever, Katniss_

I'm staring in shock at the computer when Rory comes by. He ducks down and reads the message.

"You like her, right?"

"No shit, sherlock."

"Well, considering her salutation is 'Friends Forever', I think you just got FRIENDZONED!"

He then proceeds to pull out his iPod and turn on the Rickroll'd song. He dances his way out of our living room and I groan in disappointment. How could Katniss betray me like this? I thought she liked me, not the Pillsbury Dough Boy!

I decide to get myself some alcohol and go down to Ripper's. I get a glass flask of vodka and start to walk back home. I see Katniss, presumably walking to Madge's or maybe even Peeta's.

"Hey, Catnip." I say weakly.

"Hey, Gale! Oh, hey, can I have some water?"

I look down at my flask and forget that it's vodka. I hand it over to her and she takes a swig.

"Thanks, Gale." She presses a gold coin and I can't help but feel the comforting warmth her hand on mine gives me. "Wait, this has a buzz. Are you sure it's water?"

Oh, shit. I just gave her alcohol. "Well, umm, not sure how to say this, but I just remembered that this is vodka. I just got it from Ripper's."

She looks completely shocked and slaps me on the left cheek. "How could you, Gale?" And she runs away, right into the door of the Mellark bakery.

**katniss pov**

I run into Peeta's bakery. I was on the way here to thank him for the cupcakes when GALE GAVE ME ALCOHOL! I've never had it before and I've heard that first-timers can get seriously drunk on just a sip. I need to get this over with before my mind starts getting hazy.

Mr. Mellark comes to the counter when he hears the bells on the door ring. "Hello, Katniss, what can I do for you today?"

"Hi, can I talk to Peeta?"

"Sure, I'll go get him." He walks up some back stairs and I feel myself getting dizzy, my judgement getting hazy. I really hope I don't do anything stupid.

I see Peeta walk down the stairs, his messy golden hair and his sea-blue eyes. I feel like I'm looking at him for the first time. He looks kind of hot.

"Hey, Katniss."

"Hey, Peeta, thanks for the cupcakes." I say this in a drawn-out slur, and next I do the stupidest thing I think I've ever done.

I kiss Peeta Mellark ON THE LIPS.

He looks at me like a lovestruck retarded monkey.

Then I pass out.

**So, did you like it? Well, if you did or didn't, please leave a review.**

**If you do, you can have one of Peeta's cupcakes he gave to Katniss.**

**If you don't, you're missing out on a damn good cupcake. **

**Please review and tell me what you think! I'll update sooner if you do:)**


	4. 4: Sleeping with a certain someone?

**thank you guys for the amazing reviews! i'm glad you like it... :) but leave more! i'm hungry for reviewsss**

**Daniann8- yeah, i'm pretty sure you're right but ohwell:) **

**DISCLAIMER- I thought I was Suzanne Collins. Turns out, I'm not. But I do own the plot and any characters I make up.**

**Oh, and one thing? Katniss is aware that lots of boys like her in the story. This chapter might be the slightest bit boring, but it sets the stage for the entire rest of the plot.**

**And when I checked this morning I have 1500 hits! Thank you guys so much! This is amazing considering the story has only been out a few days:):) i love my reviewers**

****** 1500 hits, 12 reviews. If even a third of you guys that hit my story reviewed, that would be 500 reviews. Thank you, 12 reviewers, for making me not feel like a sorry ass. But the rest of you- review please!:)******

**I've decided I'm Team KatnissxGale, because that way I get Peeta. ciao- let's get on with the story!**

**katniss pov**

I wake up in a comfortable bed, covered in blankets and sheets that smell like fresh cinnamon. I don't know where I am, though. I feel a pair of arms around me. I turn around and realize, to my complete and utter horror, that they're Peeta Mellark's. At first, I have no clue why I'm here, but then some of the events of last night come back to me.

_I found cupcakes and a squirrel on my doorstep._

_Gale gave me vodka._

_I kissed Peeta._

That's right. I kissed Peeta. Because I was drunk, thank you. I look back over to him to see that he's drooling and snoring. Gross. I slip out of his grasp, take my hunting jacket from the coat rack, and run out as fast as I can. Just as i'm leaving, I hear him call my name. But I can't wait around for him, to explain that whatever happened last night meant nothing. I look down at my watch to see that it's 5 a.m. I run to my house, hoping I can slip into my bed unnoticed. But i'm not that lucky. Prim wakes up.

"Katniss, what are you doing? We got a call from the Mellarks saying that you were staying with them, but what for? Are you hurt?"

"No, little duck, I just had an accident is all and they took me in. Here, lie down." I climb in the bed next to her and I fall asleep.

When I wake up, I realize that I'm late for school by over an hour. I slip on my new clothes, grab my bag and laptop, and run out the door. I see a small pastry on my doorstep and I eat it on the way to school.

When I get there, I go to the office to obtain a late slip, and I walk to Panem Studies. When I open the door, I immediately look for Peeta, sitting in the back. I look in utter horror to see that he is wearing a shirt that says this

**I SLEPT WITH KATNISS EVERDEEN**

Everyone is staring at me and Peeta and I know I must look the part because my braid is all mangled and I never brushed it. I take the only seat in the room next to Gale, still blushing. He looks at me with a disgusted look plastered all over his face.

"How could you sleep with him?"

"I didn't, Gale. After that goddamn alcohol you gave me, I was all drunk and I passed out. Then, when I woke up I was in his bed. It's not what you think."

I leave out the kiss because Gale so obviously has a thing for me. I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have.

"Gale, you know Peeta and I aren't a couple. Why would you even think I would sleep with him?"

"You guys broke up?" I'm confused but he has a giant smile on his face.

"We were never together, dumbass."

"But you both told me you were!"

"I never told you we were. In fact, in that email I sent you, I specified that we weren't together!"

"No, you said that Peeta was right, and he said you guys were going out!"

I see what he means. For whatever reason, Peeta thinks that he and I are in a relationship. He must have told Gale that. I see where all the confusion's coming from now.

Right at this very moment, something big hits me.

_I enjoyed kissing Peeta Mellark._

I push the thought away, but I can't get it out of my mind. From what I remember, his lips were soft and tasted like warm sugar.

I clear my head, and for the first time ever, I decide to listen to what the teacher is saying.

"So each year, we have the Hunger Games in penance for the first uprising. All right, now, everyone get with a partner. I see Peeta looking my way out of the corner of my eye, but I walk over to Madge. She moves whoever was sitting next to her's stuff off of the desk I'll be sitting at and onto the floor.

"Now, open up your laptops and log onto '.net'. I slowly punch this in, and see the window load.

"Click on 'Books' at the top left."

"Now scroll down and hit 'Hunger Games'."

I don't know where this is going, but I don't want to read about the Hunger Games. The Reaping is in about 2 months **(A/N I know I changed the timeline slightly from what I said in the summary in the first chapter, but it's better for the story, trust me.) ** and I'm not especially interested in reading more about former classmates of ours who were killed in what could be called the dumbest reality TV ever. Even worse than Jersey Shore and Teen Mom, if you can believe it. Prim's obsessed with Jersey Shore, but I hate it. My mom watches Teen Mom. She says she can sympathize. Whore.

"Now find a story and read it. It has to have at least 8 chapters and 10,000 words." I go to the filter at the top, and change it to 'Greater than 10,000 words' and click the Go button. The first one i see **(A/N i don't think this is a real fanfiction title, but if it is, sorry ): just let me know in a PM if this is your title and i'll change it.) **is called Peeta's Perspective: The Hunger Games. It's about Peeta's hunger games- wait, Peeta's in the Hunger Games? I start to read, and then it mentions Prim.

{"Primrose Everdeen! Congratulations, you're our female tribute!"}

I hope this isn't real. But what I see next shocks me.

{"I volunteer! I volunteer as tribtute!" Katniss says.}

I'm in complete shock. This better as hell not be real. I quickly close out and click on the next one. Which also mentions Peeta and I, but this time we're married.

I keep going, and i'm very clear on one thing by the end of it.

Unless we do something to stop it, Peeta and I are going to be in the 74th Games.

**Cliffhanger! well, they are going to do something. There may or may not be an attempt to capture the reaping ball and possibly... change the outcome? **

**Will they still be reaped? Well, that's for me to decide and for you to find out.**

**MWAHHAAHA**

**love my reviewers! please review!**


	5. Chapter 5: Fate & Tshirts

**guys! your reviews make me so happy:) and i'm glad you like the story... :)**

**I don't have too much to ramble about today, let's get straight to the story!**

**katniss pov**

I'm in shock. I'm going into the games. With Peeta. Because I volunteered for Prim.

How can I stop what's going to happen? I really need to talk to Peeta. He's smart. He'll know what to do. I decide, that for now, I should focus on reading these stories of Peeta and I and see what I can get out of it. Maybe some of this information will help me.

**1 hour later**

In many of these stories, I am the 'Mockingjay'. I don't know much about mockingjays, just that they can repeat a tune that you sing to them. My dad showed them to me and it's kind of a touchy topic. Anyways, I have decided that after school, I'm going to go to the bakery to see Peeta. I'm going to discuss with him our predicament, see what he's been able to figure out from the 'Fanfiction', and see what he thinks we need to do. Madge leans to me and asks me why all the stories are about people in our class.

"I don't know, Madge. Do you see a trend of me and Peeta together, being reaped for these upcoming games?"

"Yes, and the Quarter Quell next year as well."

The Quarter Quell? I wonder what the theme for the Quell will be. I ask Madge.

"Well, many of them mention existing victors going up against one another."

"Is Peeta in the 'Quarter Quell' as well?"

"Yes, it says that both of you are in it, every time."

"But there's only one victor a year for the Hunger Games!"

Madge gives me a look square in the eye and says, "Things change."

For a second, being the mayor's daughter, I think she knows something the rest of Panem doesn't. Then I realize how absurd I'm being because Madge is the worst at keeping secrets.

We start to discuss other things and next thing I know, I'm walking Prim home and dropping her off so I can go to the bakery. Peeta seriously pissed me off with his shirt, but if he can prevent me and Prim from being reaped, I think I can deal.

I hear the door jingle when I walk in. I hear Peeta's voice call out from the back.

"Mellark Bakery! Be in there in a second!"

I wait until he comes out, already completely coated in flour.

"Hey, Katniss!"

"Peeta." I sound colder than I meant to and i blush. "Did you go on to the 'Fanfiction' website?"

"Yeah... I wanted to talk to you about that."

"That's why I'm here."

We discuss some absurd ideas and then come up with one that's formidable.

"Madge!" he exclaims.

"What about her?"

"She's the mayor's daughter!"

"Wow, didn't know."

"No, but the Mayor has the reaping ball! We could ask Madge to take our slips out for us!"

"That's too much to ask, Peeta. Besides, I don't think she could pull it off. She's heavily watched all the time."

"Well... do you have any better ideas?"

"No, I guess not."

"All right then, I'll ask her tomorrow." He says this with a sense of finality and I know that I won't be able to talk him out of it. I thank him and walk home. I find Gale and go out into the woods with him.

"So, how are you and Lover Boy?" Ever since I confirmed with him that Peeta and I had nothing, he was back to his usual self.

I chuckle. "Shut up, Hawthorne." I look up and shoot a squirrel running in the tree. It falls down and I put it in my game bag. "You wouldn't know a relationship if it hit you on the head."

He sighs and we move deeper into the forest. When we're done, we part ways. head toward the Hob, and he goes home. With my newly-earned gold coins, I decide to walk to the Mellark Bakery again, buy a cookie for Prim, and most importantly, try to talk Peeta out of doing anything stupid by talking to Madge.

When I get there, I'm shocked. Peeta is standing out in front of the bakery with a handwritten sign that says,

**LIKE MY SHIRT? BUY ONE FOR ONLY TWO COINS!**

I see he's still wearing the 'I slept with Katniss' shirt, and to my horror, there is a line that stretches halfway across the square of people waiting to get their hands on one. I narrow my eyes when I see Gale in the middle of the line. He smirks. That bastard can't even feed his family, but he's buying a shirt that proclaims that I'm a whore?

I run away, hoping to go hide myself, never to be seen again.

_Next day_

I wake up, do my normal routine, and walk to school. When I get there, I see that all the boys in my class, most of the girls, and even the teacher are wearing Peeta's shirt. I'm horrified and I run out of the classroom. Figuring that I can't deal with it alone, I run to Prim's school and find her classroom. I call her out of the room, mentioning a family emergency, and drag her along the road until we reach home. It's not until we get there that I realize what she's wearing.

**Can you guess what Prim's wearing? **

**Sorry about the long wait for the update. Actually, this is more the speed that updates will come. I just had a lot of time over the weekend to write a bunch of chapters and now I'm settling down to speed.**

**Do you like it? If you don't, I can round the whole story out next chapter. If you do like it, please let me know in the reviews:) it motivates me to keep going when nobody else can.**

**Love ya!**

**Review!**


	6. Chapter 6: A budding business?

**Thank you guys for the reviews! I swear, they motivate me and I can't write without knowing that somebody cares. I LOVE MY REVIEWERS. And I actually, for the first time, like the chapter I have written for you guys today.**

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own the hunger games, never will. But I do own the idea for the "I SLEPT WITH KATNISS EVERDEEN" shirt. Which, if i say so myself, is an amazing idea because I want one, even though I'm a girl.**

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><p>I look down at her. "Prim!"<p>

"What?" She asks.

"You've never slept with me, that's disgusting!" I don't even think she knows what that means. We're now standing out in front of our house.

"Prim, I'm going to need you to take that off. That's plain embarrassing.

"Okay!" she says. She proceeds to yank her shirt off, leaving her whole torso naked. I look, and to my horror, and see that the old drunk, Haymitch Abernathy, is drooling over himself at the sight of adolescent breasts.

"Hey Haymitch!" she says exuberantly. He winks at her.

"Disgusting," I say as I shove her into our house. I open the door to see my mother, sitting at the table, mixing a new herbal remedy.

"So, was it fun?" My mother asks.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

She glares at me and says, "Sleeping around with everyone in town. Including your little sister." She looks at her chest and says, "Did you just do it out on the street, for everyone to see?"

I'm horrified at what my family thinks of me and I run to the bedroom that Prim and I share. I see a note sticking out of the window.

_Katniss,_

_I asked Madge today about the whole Hunger Games thing. She said that she's glad to help. Meet me in front of the Mayor's house at 5:00._

_Peets_

He signs the letter 'Peets.' I can't help but think that that is the gayest nickname ever. I look at the town clock through the window and see that it's 4:56. Shit. I run downstairs, put on my boots, grab my bow, and start for the mayor's house. When I start running, I hear all sorts of teasing and insults.

"Where you going? Who you sleeping with tonight?"

"Hey, it's the town hooker!"

"I got a coin, 'll that do it for ya?"

"Does it matter that I have AIDS? I can't seem to get any action from my wife, but I figure you already have it."

I put my head down and just keep running until BAM! I hit Peeta in the chest.

"Hey," he says.

I get angry just at the sight of him. "You!" I growl. "This is all YOUR fault! Everyone's calling me a whore just because of that goddamn shirt you sold!"

"Sorry, I was going to give you half the profits anyways." He gives me a small bag filled with gold coins, probably more than my family has ever earned combined. I look him in the eye. I know this will feed my family for months.

"75%," I say. "This is my reputation on the line here."

"Fine. I'll give you 60%."

"75,"

"60!"

"Fine, 70." He looks at me and shakes my hand. "Deal. But we need to come up with some more designs."

"Like what?"

"Well... we could go for a 'Primrose Signature' line."

"You mean an 'I slept with Prim' shirt?"

"Well, yeah," he says sheepishly. I contemplate the idea.

"Sounds good to me, start producing them right away." He nods and starts running in the direction of the bakery.

"Wait, don't we have to meet Madge? About the reaping?" I shout. He turns around and starts to trudge back.

"Yeah, sorry, I forgot."

"Well, let's get to it, then." He rings the doorbell to the house and a servant comes to the door.

"What the hell you here for, you filthy whore?" She asks with a snarl.

"Um, we're here to see Madge."

"Why? You wanna fuck her too?"

"No, we have to talk to her about something... Something for school." I finish. I can tell she doesn't believe me but she lets me in anyway. She calls Madge down and I hear the footsteps on the spiral staircase.

"Hey, Katniss! Hey Peeta!" She beckons and leads us to her kitchen. We sit down on some barstools that are laid out in the middle.

"So, you need my help with the reaping?"

"Yeah," I hear Peeta say. I zone out and start thinking about President Snow's hot abs.

I feel Peeta slap me on the leg.

"Katniss, is the plan okay with you?"

"What?"

"We're going to meet Madge tomorrow night in front of her house. She's going to try and take the reaping ball, drop it through the mayor's window on the top floor, and have us catch it. Then we fish out yours, mine, and Prim's slips and return it to Madge the next day at school. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah," I say, returning to my thoughts of Snow in that one nude picture for Vanity Fair.

"All right then, it's a plan. This'll be tricky, but I think we can do it."

Peeta and I thank Madge, and walk out of her house. We walk together, making small talk until we reach the bakery.

"Bye, Katniss."

"Bye 'Peets'. That's a really dumb nickname, you know."

"No, it's masculine."

"No, it's not. It sounds gay."

"Whatever, Katniss." He walks into the bakery and at the sound of the jingling door I walk back to my house. I decide to do my homework that the teacher delivered for me, since I skipped school, and get ready for tomorrow.

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><p>I wake up, eat some squirrel bacon, and I'm out the door on the way to school. When I'm walking, I see something that makes me balk.<p>

I knew Peeta was going to be selling T-shirts with Prim and I, considering I gave him permission, but I didn't know he was going to do this.

Somehow, he got a picture of Prim standing on the doorstep with her top-half naked, exposing her non-existent boobs, and scanned it onto the shirt.

Once again, there's a long line of people waiting to buy one, but there's one thing that really makes me want to throw up.

Haymitch Abernathy is the first one in line.

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><p><strong>So, I thought this was one of my better chapters. Not much happening, and no internet, but I thought it was entertaining. I had lots of ideas and I now know which way the story is going.<strong>

**I'm not sure whether they're going to get reaped or not... it'll end a lot quicker if they do.**

**Tell me what you think in the reviews! **


	7. Chapter 7: Fun with Peets the dumbass

**HEY GUYS! THANK YALL SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS, FAVORITES, AND ALERTS:) This chapter is really shitty, so watch out and please don't desert the story, just hang in there, Doc Manager has been giving me trouble since Tuesday when I wanted to update.**

**I've been reading the reviews, and they're really interesting;) and they make my day. except for this one anonymous one who was obviously some kind of troll... yeah well you know who you are.**

**1st... if you were looking for a **_**quality **_**fanfic you should not have come here. This is under the humor/parody section, which unless you're looking for a laugh, there's no reason you should be here.**

**2nd...i know this story is perverted. it's kind of meant to be. RATED M, HELLOOO :) most stories that are M have a sexual element, perverted or not.**

**3rd...Peeta won't be an idiot for much longer in this story. He'll turn out to be really cool but in order for Katniss to get to know him he might have to do some creepy stuff ;) IYKWIM (that's for you, jessica)**

**And here's a brainteaser: IYKWIM by this, PM me (or review) and if you get it right i'll give you a shoutout in the next chapter.**

**PMers: Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm really glad you like the story and i will keep going. THAT'S ANOTHER THING I LOVE ALMOST AS MUCH AS REVIEWS: PM'S. KEEP THAT IN MIND, FOLKS.**

**and PMers? I had 3 of you (amazing) people asking if the internet was ever coming back into play. It is. This chapter.**

**CHECK OUT MY LIVEJOURNAL! i just made it today (at the request of one of my besties) and i linked the story to it. I don't even know what i'm supposed to do with it... ahh i'll figure it out eventually. right now i have one post linking to the story. it'll help you guys a lot hardee harr harr**

**setfireablaze dot livejournal dot com (won't let me link anything due to possible spam)**

**Wow! This author's note takes up a whole page on microsoft word. Before it turns into a chaper of its own, i'm going to sign off and give you... CHAPTER 7**

Haymitch Abernathy, the only living victor in Twelve, makes a fool of himself every year, both in the games and out. Last year, he sent our female tribute, who miraculously was in the final eight, a bottle of vodka. Looked exactly like water. She drank it all in one swig and within minutes she was out. Bye-bye. And now he's trying to get his perverted hands on my sister. I told Peeta he could do this, though. I can't really back out now, but I swear, if he ever tries to touch her like that old ass Jenkins he will be gone within the hour.

I continue onto school, sitting next to Madge in History. She asks me if i'm ready for tonight and i nod. She turns around and mouths the same thing to Peeta and he gives her a small thumbs- up as well.

"Open your computers and go to www dot capitol dot pn"

That's the website for the capitol, and when we visit there we are greeted with a message from President Snow. We spend some time there, learning about the supposed 'History' of Panem, at least the history they want us to know about, and then we are given some free time with the machines.

Peeta walks over to my desk and pulls up a chair next to Madge and I.

"Sure about tonight, Katniss?"

"Yep, Peets. How about you?"

"I'm scared." Of course he is. Pussy.

"Well, you said you would go through with it! You can't back out now!"

"I'm not! I'm just saying that I'm scared that we'll get caught!"

Madge cuts in. "My dad's out of town in the Capitol tonight, we'll be fine."

"What about your mom?"

"She's bedridden, dumbass. Didn't you know?"

"No, sorry..." he gives her a guilty look. "I didn't mean to criticize your mom or family or whatever."

"It's okay," she laments, "but she's a touchy spot for me."

"All right!" I clap my hands in imitation of the teacher. "Let's look at some more fanfics- see if we can get any more information."

We continue to look around and we find out more information. Turns out, I pull some crazy rebellious stunt at the end of the games with some nightlock or some shit so Peeta and I can both win.

I'm starting to think this Games thing isn't so bad at all.

Apparently, Peeta agrees with me. "I kind of want to go into the Hunger Games... if we're going to win anyways, might as well become rich and famous in the process. We also don't risk getting in trouble with the White-Spacesuit-Bitches..."

I told Peeta that "White-Spacesuit-Bitches" was a terrible name for Peacekeepers, and this theory was not exactly disproven when he was beaten in the town square because he greeted some of them in that very manner when they came into his dad's bakery.

"Yeah, I wouldn't mind the whole 'rich-and-famous-capitol-parties' thing either, Madge. Maybe we should just give up this whole idea. If we know Peeta and I are going to win, where's the worry in trying?"

She tries to explain to us some theory about space-time continuum, about how that now we know that we were going to win that'll affect the future, but neither Peeta or I understand. I decide to make her be quiet.

"Shut up with your dumb pretentious bitch shit, Madge, and quit being jealous of us going into the games." She gives me the finger but quiets down.

Peeta decides to jump on the bandwagon, though he's no good at telling people off.

"Yeah, you silly pieface... ooh burn!" He's laughing to himself at his childish joke and Madge and I simultaneously hit him. Me, in the face, and Madge in the side.

"Peeta, you're a retard."

He looks at me with a crooked expression and says, "But I'm your little retard."

Then he leans in and kisses me, ON THE LIPS.

And I find myself kissing him back with a hungry passion I didn't know I had.

**Sorry for the shitty chapter and slow update, i was having writers block and Doc Manager wouldn't let me update... first world problems.**

**I'll make sure to update soon and regularly, though!**


	8. Chapter 8

***A/N* I'm so sorry about this chapter! Seriously TWO WEEKS! AAH i feel so bad i know how it is when a story doesn't update for two weeks... aah well anyway you guys TOTALLY have a right to be pissed at me. My macbook decided to just cop out and stop working, and it just started working right again. I had a really long chapter i had been writing for a few days, but then i lost it. This chapter might not be too long, i'll see how much I can remember, but I really wanted to give you guys something. Take my word for it when i say i'm really sorry about the whole updating thing.**

**LOL SO CHAPTER 8**

Peeta and I kiss for what's probably minutes but for me it only seems like a split second of time.

The best split second of my life.

_Wait what, the best split second of my life! I don't like Peeta! He's stupid, fat, and annoying! How could i be falling for him?_

_But he's so cute!_

_Am I arguing with myself?_

_Do I need to be in a mental hospital?_

_Shit, i didn't feed Buttercup! _

These are some of the thoughts that are going through my head after I pull away from our kiss.

"You guys are absolutely disgusting!" Madge says.

Oh, right. I forgot she was there.

Peeta pipes up. "We're adorable together, right Katnith?" He says this with a dumb sounding lisp but I smile.

"No, you're not," Madge says. "You guys look like a couple of slobbery dogs going at it. Neither of you can kiss right and Peeta got hard in the middle. Gross." She starts for the door but then turns around, and faces me and Peeta.

"You guys really need to stop sucking face, though. It's disgusting and the entire class, and the teacher, are out in the hall because they didn't want to watch your shit." I look around and realize this to be true. She turns the other way once more, gives me the finger, and slams the door.

So that's why he made me feel like I was the only girl in the room.

Except for Madge. But she's a lesbian, so she doesn't count.

Peeta and I are alone in the room now.

"So you want to go through with this whole 'Hunger Games' thing?" I ask.

"Well, now that I think about it, not really. I'm not sure if it's worth the heartache."

"But my family and I might finally be able to eat two whole meals a day if we win! The Victors are so rich, Peeta!"

"But we'll have nightmares and hallucinations and all this other shit we read about for the rest of our lives!"

I consider this. "Eh, who cares, we'll be rich."

"Yeah, you're right. Money's great." Just as he says this, the class starts to file back into the room. The teacher stands at the front of the room.

"Well, that was a great waste of class time. Your turn next in Truth or Dare, Max. And Bernadette, you suck at kissing. But Katniss and Peeta, we're going to change one of your class schedules so you aren't in the same room at the same time-" Peeta grasps my arm, and with a dramatic voice, he says,

"They're trying to take you from me! Katniss, the capitol is trying to separate us!"

The teacher interjects. "No, we just can't have any more class disruptions. Actually, that was really fun, so I wouldn't mind. But I still have to teach this crap for the standardized testing at the end of the year, which is rapidly coming close. Maybe if, like two of you pass, I can get a raise and move out of my tarp in the school field and upgrade to a parking lot location. I hear they've got a great view. Anyways, Peeta, you'll be having Panem history from now on with Mr. Marks, pack up your things."

"No. I won't ever leave your side, Katnith Everdeen."

I'm starting to get irritated with him. I can't believe 5 minutes ago I thought I liked him. "Just get the fuck out, Peeta."

"No, Katniss, they've brainwashed you! We're meant to be together! I-"

Gale gets up and grabs him by the wrists, drags him out of the room, and locks the door. "Problem solved."

The teacher SWOONS. "Thanks, Gale, you're so strong, Gale."

I'm disgusted at the inappropriateness of that, and I begin thinking about just reporting this slutty bitch, but then I see Peeta begins clawing and screaming at the door through the small window. I can faintly hear him yelling about a Capitol conspiracy and I just want to shut him up.

"Here, let me fix this," I say. "Gale, come here." He happily obliges. "I'll tell you when to come over to the door."

I walk to the door and give Peeta the finger. He looks shocked and I motion for Gale to come over by the window.

I pull Gale down to my height and say, "Kiss me."

He giggles like a 5 year old and puts his lips to mine. We kiss for a brief 10 seconds before I see Peeta walk from the door out of the corner of my eye. I try and pull away from Gale but he holds tight, eyes closed, lips puckered. I eventually wrest myself from his grasp and he still stands in his same position for about 10 seconds while all of the kids laugh and the teacher looks ready to kill someone. He realizes he looks like an ass and, blushing and embarassed, goes out to join Peeta crying in the hallway.

**a/n So worth the wait? Probably not. But I promise to update soon, save my computer isn't working again. Which I guess is kind of likely. Love you babes!**


	9. Author's Note

**Sooo I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry about abandoning this story. Because basically, that's what I did. I published chapter eight and then left you guys hanging for, like, 4 months? Something like that. Anyway, I don't really have much of an excuse, but I felt like I should give you guys something, even if it's small. I'm not TOO into the hunger games anymore (as my obsession has worn off, but I'm afraid it's gonna start up again as the DVD has made its way into my household) but I still love it. I will continue to update, even if they are much less frequent than my old schedule of one every 2-3 days. **

**I'm also, if you can believe it, into the MLP fandom now. I've got a story going on FimFiction and I've been so caught up with that this has been kind of left in the dust. Sorry again. But you guys? Just as a tip, if you're writing ponyfics, post them on FimFiction. God I have 800 reviews on my 7 chapter story. So there's a huge audience there. If you don't watch ponies, you should, because, well, they're awesome.**

**Now, I won't be updating today. I can't as school is getting back into gear and boy is it hella hectic.**

**But I will. Soon. And I feel lame with only 54 reviews, but a few positive reviews were what motivated me to get my lame ass back on here and give you guys this.**

**Please leave feedback on what you think should happen!**

**And this is officially OFF HIATUS!**


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